This post is simply a ‘top-up post’ to the latest vocabulary blog segment. Although it is a short and sweet post, it packs a punch for adapting our language. There is only one term I will share today for you to change in your daily speaking.
This term is “but.” That’s all, just “but.” We want to change this term to “AND” instead. Sounds super simple and it is not that easy! Did you catch that? Using ‘and’ instead of ‘but’
Why? What do I mean?
When we use the term ‘but’ after anything we say, it entirely negates what was previously stated. Especially if it’s a compliment! For example, “You did a great job at cleaning your room but there’s still garbage I’m the closet.” Boom – a nice compliment disappears and then is left with something to do. Any validation that could have sunk in and valued was immediately dismissed. It is the old common joke “Nice work – BUT you missed a spot!” This is the kind of nuance that we want to shift.
OK, that is explained and as mentioned appears to be easy at first learning this information, however put it into practice and see how it goes!?!
I’ll share some of my personal journey on this one, I am still working at it after 2 years, for it to become second nature! Hahaha
I will often correct myself and restate a sentence if I catch it in time. It might sound funny to who I am talking yet it has still made a difference.
So why would I tell y’all to do something that is taking me years to catch on? Because it is worth the positive mental health benefits for you and your loved ones around you.
How many times has your spouse been on your case about something and you do it, only to have them say “… BUT this would have been better” or “…. BUT you should have done it this way”? No matter what was said before the ‘bu’, it does not matter nor was it truly processed. What about with young ones? Have you tried to teach them new things and said nice comments but then used the term BUT to add more to it?
What would be ideal, is to switch out ‘BUT’ to replace it with ‘AND.’ What will happen is that you will add to your positive statements by giving it more leverage. Instead of “great job on doing the dishes but some weren’t fully clean,” it could be this “great job doing the dishes, and some needed more washing.” It’s a subtle difference here. Think about how you would feel hearing these statements. Try these ones out:
“Thank you for finishing your homework but I had to ask you several times first” vs. “thank you for finishing your homework and it only took me 3 times to ask this time, next time could we try for less?”
“Your gift was so beautiful, but I want to return it” vs. “your gift was so beautiful and thoughtful. It would better if I can return it for a different gift though.”
Do you hear how one example derails the positive note and the other keeps the positivity flowing?
OK, your turn to try and rephrase the following statements:
“You did a lot of work in the garden, but you weeded the wrong rows”
“I asked you to tidy up the living room, but you didn’t listen”
“Please put away your clean laundry but don’t put anything in the purple drawers”
“You navigated us there alright but we’re slow on your directives”
OK, that is enough trickery for now 😀 as you may have seen, it can be a challenge to simply swap out a ‘but’ for an ‘and’ certainly requiring some extra thought.
Perhaps you are not yet aware of your own speech in this way. So, pay close attention to your praises, directives, and requests to your loved ones. Listen to what you can pick out. Is there room for improvement?
I urge you to go forth to listen to yourself and replace your “BUTS” with “ANDs.”