Grief. What a heavy topic to discuss, of course. However, it has come up several times recently, so I thought I would elaborate on the depths of grief.
First, let’s highlight the main stages of grief, although there are various terms – these are the general categories:
- Denial/absence of feelings
- Bargaining
- Anger/hostility
- Depression/heavy feeling
- Acceptance/release
If this is an emotion you are currently experiencing, know that it is only temporary and will eventually change. certainly, ask and seek professional advice. Counseling can assist you through this experience quite well.
Now that that’s all out of the way, what I would like to share about grief is how to navigate it when it comes into your life and it isn’t necessarily about the loss of someone or a pet. It’s easy to spot a loss when change happens for the worse. What about when something just changes in your life, even if it’s a change for the better, there may still be an underlying loss that doesn’t get any attention. Or what about when change happens slowly, and we don’t notice it? Do we ever pause to accept and grieve what may never be? Perhaps not. Some of you might though. For those who don’t, keep reading.
Grief is a pretty big tidal wave of emotions through and through. Even with the stages, the whole process can be an extremely enormous experience. Initially, grief is a roller coaster of uncontrollable adventures and generally not the fun kind. However, if we take an overall look at the main stages of grief, each stage on its own could be broken down and practiced. For stories, tips, and ways to practice these emotions, you can reference past posts on Joynette’s blog about anger, depression (moving through depression like feelings), and gratitude (acceptance). Along with those emotions, anxiety falls hand in hand.
When you can separate each emotion individually, work on it for a while, then ‘put it back’ Try again another time. Perhaps another day, try out one of the other emotions. Eventually, you could become comfortable with each stage of grief on their own, then when you are faced with a massive tsunami of emotion (or extreme lack of emotion, pit of despair), you can remain confident that you will find your way through grief. This becomes what I’ll call “good grief”. As crazy as it sounds, the more practice you have, the easier it gets. This said, I don’t wish everyone a lot of grief experiences – rather I wish you smooth sailing when the seas get rough.
The next piece of the grief puzzle is identifying when you need to grieve. So many of us bury experiences and emotions, it would say it’s an instinctive coping mechanism. What isn’t natural, is to dig up those feelings to look to examine them and truly feel what needed to be felt? NUH UH! NO WAY, who wants to do THAT?! But what if we DID?
What if you were able to create some safe time and places to express various stages of grief? Just imagine for a moment that you could let go of a super HEAVY experience that was cemented away. How much lighter might you feel in the end? Not everything inside you is meant to be uncovered and is meant to stay. For the rest, what if it could be released?
Most of us carry around “emotional baggage” from and for years and years. With your emotional support system, I implore you to take a look at some of your own ‘luggage’ and see if anything is sticking around because you just don’t want to accept or grieve it? When the time is right for you, you may decide to unpack a suitcase sometime and experience what you are meant to, even if it is intense. Having a great support system with family and friends can also help you navigate your unpacking and setting sail upon your emotional adventures. Talk with them often to share your experiences.
Some of my experiences I’ll share:
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- For me, I have certainly buried feelings resulting in procrastinating a grieving process because I knew some of the intense emotions I would experience. As I’ve become more comfortable with the tough emotions, grief doesn’t seem as heavy or scary anymore.
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- Learning about grief made it easier to get through and becoming comfortable with each uncomfortable emotion makes it endurable
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- Talking openly with my family when I’m experiencing insanely intense or incomprehensible feelings was a tremendously helpful support system
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- Knowing that grief can appear when it’s not so apparent. Such as a physical change or medical diagnosis may require one to grieve the loss of a lifestyle
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- Getting on with good grief, makes so much more room for big and better things in (my) life
So, why would one even want to practice going through grief, unless necessary? Well, it is an important process for emotional potential. When you can let go of past losses, hurts, and more, just think of the emotional “space” you might free up. Anyone on their journey to joy will find that at some points along the way, they will need to face the worst to understand the best and feel the absolute worst to truly know a feeling of joy.
In the mending process… emotional growth is bound to happen, and there is a high probability that you will become your own emotional healer. And if that’s too cooky of a statement, let’s dial it back to…
You will become more emotionally mature.
Go forth and practice safe grief. Happy maturing!
Other grief resources & references:
The Psychology of Grief: The 4 Stages Explained (positivepsychology.com)
How the Five Stages of Grief Can Help Process a Loss (verywellmind.com)