In my latest blog posts, I’ve been talking about more challenging emotions that can crop up. Now it’s time to discuss how we can move from icky feelings into brighter emotions.
Most recently I heard the perfect quote, from an excellent docuseries called Welcome to Wrexam, to exemplify just how transient life is:
“Everything is temporary, no joy lasts forever, no pain lasts forever either” Arthur Massey, 100yrs, Wrexam’s oldest football fan.
What a powerful statement! If you can remember this quote or the sentiment of it, it could add to your emotional toolkit in the form of positive self-talk. Especially in the throes of intense emotions – good or bad – simply reminding yourself that these feelings will eventually pass could be beneficial.
“Change” is something we experience unconsciously as we grow, the world around us changes, and so much more.
The only constant thing: IS change. We can count on change to happen, we can plan for it and even predict it. Yet, it can be one of the hardest things in life to accept or embrace. It can leave us anxious, frustrated, angry, sad or overwhelmed. Why is something that we experience every day and moment so hard to deal with at times? I can’t give you an exact answer to this question, but it’s a good one to ponder for yourself. Perhaps some of my “ponderings” will help you too….
For me, change is the most difficult when I think I’m set in my ways, my brain wants to do things a certain way and my mind is “made up”, or if I have great wishes for something to pan out one way or another. When my thinking is rigid in the form of “black and white” perceptions then the room for change is negligible. When pieces of my life don’t fit into the puzzle I’ve concocted, I can experience all kinds of heavy emotions. This stubbornness in thinking can cause many arguments or disagreements too. Control, control, control! When I think I need to control things – that’s when things can get uncontrollable!
For me, change is easy when my outlook on life has plenty of room to take hold. If I can keep an open mind, that is the first step. Ironically this step generally consists of a change in perception 
. Yup, change the mind to embrace change. A simple shift in perception can make a massive difference in how the body will handle upcoming situations. I won’t get into details here about “The secret” or “the law of attraction”, I’ll save that for another post, however, if you are familiar with those concepts, that is one way to understand how our perceptions can affect your world. Essentially, if we think we can’t do something or will hate something or fear something, it is likely that is what you’ll experience. If we expect change to happen and have an open mind to adapt to whatever comes about, it is likely that the outcome will be more acceptable or easier to navigate.
Keeping an open mind is one part, the second is an open heart. So this, is more about the “feelings side of things”. You can have an open mind and say “I’m ready for anything, bring it on!” But if the heart is closed or you feel closed off to emotions, it can still deter you from easing through change and embracing it.
For example, at point in my life, I was trying to reconnect with my siblings after a period of being away, I was trying what I could to connect. But it seemed like my attempts were only surface level – I didn’t feel connected at heart. It was upon doing a meditation and a deep dive into my past and heart, that I realized that I had entirely “locked up” my heart emotionally. This was just an unconscious result of some simple childhood experiences that I perceived to be traumatic (in hindsight these weren’t such traumatic events, and I was easily able to unwrap them and deal with them as an adult). During my meditation, I consciously unlocked my heart from each of these events. Following this, I found my heart much easier to “open up” and was able to then forge a wonderful relationship with my siblings in adulthood.
Not everyone would be able to or want to meditate with visualizations to that extent, but the concept of becoming aware of what you’re feeling at heart and why, could help one open up to change even more. Put another way, have you built walls around yourself or your heart? Do they need to come down?
Another example is from around a similar time in my life, I HATED the color green, so much so that it even caused some big problems for me at Christmas one year receiving a beautiful handmade gift in green. A while later, I learned that the color green relates to the heart chakra. I did some introspection and found that I was all blocked up there. Eventually, I cleared that chakra to open it up, which was coupled with a shift in perception. Now, I LOVE green in all of its shades!
Although I try to spend more of my time and energy embracing change, it isn’t always easy. Especially when change happens unexpectedly, rapidly, or in great amounts at all at once. That said sometimes, when a lot of change happens all at once there seems to only be room to accept it and go with the flow- the harder it is resisted the harder it is on me and those around me.
So, to break it down into fundamentals, I offer you 3 steps toward embracing change:
- Tune into your thoughts and listen to them. What are they telling you? Is your self-talk negative or your thinking black and white? Can you shift your thinking towards positivity or openness to the possibility that anything can happen? Do you need to relinquish controlling thoughts?
- Feel into your heart, can you identify how you feel? Is your heart closed or open? Are you able to free up some feelings? Is it possible to release old or heavy feelings?
- Be in the moment. Allow for change to happen around as you accept it. Stay in the present as much as possible. Our thoughts and feelings can easily sweep us away into a flurry of “what IFs” if we aren’t careful ;).
Circling back to Arthur Massey, he continues to talk about changes in life and shares ” That’s life. You have to accept what it is, not what you want it to be, you know what you want it to be, but it’s never like that is it?” –
Lastly, I feel the need to mention the Serenity prayer here in short form
“God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to
know the difference.”
I love this prayer so much and has always been a part of my life. It was prominently displayed on a china plate, and hung on the wall in my kitchen growing up. It was always there to remind me that I need to accept the things I cannot change, be adaptable, be understanding, and love that which I cannot control.
I wish you smoothly sailing in your daily life, adapting to all that comes with ease.