I certainly didn’t expect one of my first posts about emotions would be about Candy Crush, however it seems fitting to share my recent emotional journey with Candy Crush All Stars. Mostly for all my “Co-Star Players” out there – especially for those who fought hard and did not make it to the live final like myself. Perhaps, some of you are feeling Candy Crush All Stars blues too? For those people, I share my “post-saga” experiences, so others might not feel so blue for too long.
Also, if you’re someone who experiences bouts of depression or depressive-like feelings, then this post might be for you too.
Now, back to my beloved Candy Crush and the emotional roller coaster that All Stars was for me this year. What a ride it was! Of course, it began with the thrill of anticipation waiting for All Stars dates to drop and the excitement that comes with added information being released intermittently. Each day that passed getting closer to competition brought more hype. I tried not to get too excited because it is a marathon of a journey, and I did not want to burn out before the competition even began. Even though I thought I was levelheaded about it all, it did get much much more exciting each time I shared with friends & family about my All Stars experiences from last year and mentioning my interest in playing again this year. Feelings certainly amplified. Then the day of the Candy Crush All Stars competition started! Wowie! we were off to the races… for 80+hours in round 1! Gameplay through each round was certainly unique and too much to detail here (I won’t step through each of rounds as many of you likely played through some or most of them). There were so many great players this year and your competition was fierce! So, well done to all my competitors – I am grateful to have played alongside many of you. Yet, I did bring my A game out this year and was “IN IT TO WIN IT” so I was thrilled and beyond excited each round I passed and got to move onto the next stage. In between stages I did my utmost to carry out self-care tasks and routines to keep anxieties or tense emotions at bay. That said, it was tough to keep intense emotions level all the time, and of course I wanted to feel those exuberant emotions! I was having a grand time all around, life was good, I was crushing it, and I had cheerleaders around me. I gave it my all, played countless hours (easily 100+ hours), even learned that I could pull an “all nighter” and game for 21 hours straight at the age of (almost) 40! Then I placed (almost) 40th in the last knockout round, 41st to be exact because I didn’t have it in me to game the last few minutes or levels to bump myself back into 40th place. *however, I should note here that sleep deprivation did take a toll on me and I slowed down way too much in that last round 🙁.
And then that’s it. Game over. All Stars is done for me for another year.
Sadness.
Well, first it was numbness for about 2 days, the best way that I could describe this feeling is that my whole being, throughout body entirely felt like a wrong channel on a TV – you know from those old school TVs – I used to call those fuzzy channels the “black and white marching ants”. For all of you younger players, perhaps the same feeling as when the internet goes out and you have no idea what to do with yourself. 😉
Once the numbness subsided, then the absence of feeling turned into a great void, it seemed vast in feeling and mostly low energy vibes. No excitement, the world wasn’t as bright anymore, and ‘my oh my’ did my body feel depleted and just done. All this added up to make for some intense rebound lows. Some might call this a crash or burnout of sorts, to me it was a naturally expected experience after a long run of emotional highs.
I am forever grateful to all my crushing cheerleaders that were alongside me at various times through All Stars, I am even more grateful to those who allowed me space and time to get through my rebound depression phase after I was knocked out. For at least a week these depression-like feelings were so intense that I know it affected those near and dear to me. My dear husband was extra patient with me each day although I could tell that my low feelings were bringing him down too –he tried his best not to let on though. At a different point, another close family member asked if they had done something wrong or upset me. They hadn’t, it was only perceived this way because of my morose demeanor. I choose to have an open heart when it comes to emotions, so I shared exactly what I was feeling in that moment coming out of a depression stage which immediately dispelled their feelings and turned to a suggestion to add to my anxiety tool kit: words of affirmation. I was kindly reminded not to call my feeling silly because it’s “just a game” that ALL of my feelings are valid and real! I also tried my best to reassure my family that this phase was temporary, and these were just feelings that I needed to allow, feel, and process during this time.
Although these bleak and harsh feelings were expected, I believed that they can be diminished in intensity and prevented from lingering to become full fledge depression. Here is how I did it…
As much as possible prioritize self-care, particularly when you’re feeling the worst. Sometimes you can only do one or two things –let one of them be self-care. It can be as simple as having a cup of tea with some light music, going for a walk, having a shower or bath, putting on makeup, or just getting out of PJs 😀 .
On one of my darkest days, when all I felt like doing was crawling into a cave, burying myself in my bed, sleeping endless hours – I made myself get dressed and go outside to say hello to a neighbor just to get out of the house for a few minutes. This happened to lead to volunteer gardening opportunities which got me out of the house a litttle more when I felt like I could give an hour here or there. I got to pull a lot of weeds which was great for releasing some ugly feelings or pent-up angst. I tried to get back to other regular physical activity routines such as yoga class and walking the dog. I would say I was 50% successfull that first week. Pets are such a great source of support emotionally and physically.
It seems that it took me about 5 to 7 days to feel like I had “come back to reality” and get myself back on track. Here I am on day 10 writing about my experiences with a smile on my face. Not to mention journalling and writing are excellent ways to process emotions.
During day 3-6 I set myself to cleaning the house in between obligations. These were the hardest days and cleaning up my seriously neglected house was my best option to occupy my free time. Somewhere in days 6-8 I had some good cries, allowed the sadness to flow for a while to get it out. It is also interesting to me that depression can hurt so much all over and yet in no one place in particular at the same time. I’m sure this is supported by the brain’s chemistry, or lack thereof, as I’m sure gaming for endless hours would take a toll on hormones we need to function. To further support my brain functionality, I choose to incorporate additional vitamins into my daily routine to stave off a serious depression dip. Omega-3’s, B vitamins, & Vitamin D are the most important to me when boosting my mental state. Vitamin D because I surely missed out on some sunshine while being holed up to crush it and B’s & Omega-3’s for more anti-anxiety and depression support. I choose to add in an Ultra Cranberry Cap for UTI prevention as well. Some of these supplements I added during my competition days but mostly afterwards when I realized I need some extra brain chemistry help.
By Day 7 I felt like I could visit others and feel like I was decent company. I am thankful for my family’s usual Sunday dinner repertoire that got me out of my own home once again and socializing with those around me. I didn’t get on day 1 because I couldn’t connect with myself or anything while in my state of numbness. But on day 7 connecting with more family over dinner helped me talk out more of my feelings to help me reset. Thank you.
During these “reset” days other things to consider – I no particular order
- Listen to a lot of music
- Get back to regular work routines
- Continue (or add) spiritual practices
- Try to eat regular meals and snacks – even if you’re not hungry, do your best
- Create artwork
- Avoid (or reduce) alcohol & mind-altering substances (cannabinoids included)
- Play with pets
- Spend time with children if possible –their carefree attitudes can be contagious
- Go swimming, water is a great emotional processor
Each day was hard to get through, but each day it got easier. Although making myself take my (added) vitamins was surprisingly hard every day for that first week. I learned a great deal about myself and my family this year and each one of them has filled me with gratitude for supporting me in so many ways.
I’m sharing my emotions for others to see that they aren’t alone in the “Post Candy Crush Blues” 😊 If you are worried that your depression-like feelings won’t lift or will become full on depression, I encourage you to ask for help from those around you or reach out to your nearest mental health support channels. In a serious emergency call your local emergency services right away.
Further support options to prevent emergency situations may include acupuncture to reset even faster, an alignment adjustment (I prefer active release) from all those “interesting crushing it positions” endured, and last but certainly not least – counselling, therapy or phycologist visit. The latter is highly recommended if you know you are susceptible to mental health challenges. Personally, I will be visiting all of them in the upcoming weeks for “tune-ups” and “check-ins”.
I haven’t touched on finances as it is my personal choice not to spend a cent in Candy Crush, however there are a lot of options to spend money in game, should financial challenges arise from gaming, please seek financial counsel as you need.
Lastly, I want to say I absolutely LOVE Candy Crush and likely always will. It’s my game, a favorite way to pick me up, relax the day away, and pass time. Well, except for the week or two after Candy Crush All Stars is over for another year 🙁 . This is my time to take a little break from crushing it for a month or two. For the love of the game, take a break, then go forth and find your joy while crushing it! See y’all next year to kick some All Star A**!
