How Are You Grieving? How Am I Grieving?

Exploring grief gently, one moment at a time.

Grief has a funny way of showing up. It doesn’t ask for permission, it doesn’t follow schedules, and it definitely doesn’t care about your to-do list, clean laundry pile, or whether you had big plans today. It arrives as it is — in its own rhythm — and we simply meet it where we can.

One question I’ve been asking myself lately is:

“How am I grieving today?”

Not how I should be grieving.
Not how someone else thinks I should be grieving.
Just… how am I grieving, right now, in this moment?

You might ask yourself something similar

“How did I grieve today?”
“How can I allow myself to grieve today?”
“What is my grief asking of me?”

There isn’t a right answer. Often, there isn’t even a clear answer.
But the questions themselves create space — a gentle pause — a moment of honesty between you and your heart.

Grief Disrupts Everything (and that’s normal)

When you’re grieving, it’s completely natural for routines, habits, and even your sense of time to unravel a little.
Give yourself permission to:

• fall out of routine
• forget something
• rest more
• feel less productive
• step away from normal expectations

This isn’t a personal failure. It’s a period of emotional reorganization.

Grief is a mixed bag of emotional weather — sadness, anger, fear, anxiety, numbness, acceptance, forgiveness, love, courage, and sometimes all of them in the span of a single hour. These emotional “vibrations” can feel intense, unpredictable, and exhausting. Given some practice, you may find a way to good grief, or positive experiences, from it.

Just know that…

You are not doing it wrong.
You are grieving.

That’s why self-care during grief is not selfish — it’s essential.

If you’re curious about what to do when emotions reach pinnacle intensity, you may enjoy exploring quick practices when grief feels heavy or dive into navigating identity shifts that come with loss in other recent emotional wellness blog posts. 

If Your Grief Wants Action…

Sometimes grief sits still.
Sometimes it moves.

If your grief is calling you toward action, ask yourself:

• What actions can I take now, and which ones can wait?
• Is this action supportive, or is it too much for today?
• Is this an act of kindness, love, or responsibility — or am I forcing myself?
• What is within my control, and what is not?
• What can I lovingly set down right now?

Some actions help us heal; some actions drain us.
Grief is a tender time to practice discernment — slowly, gently, and without pressure.

And for those overwhelming moments, grounding is your friend.
If you’re not familiar with grounding practices, you can read my blog post on Grounding for ideas and simple techniques.

Dressing Through Grief (Yes, It Matters)

One of the most basic self-care tasks during grief is simply… getting dressed.  

It sounds small, but it’s not. Getting dressed helps you return to your body, even if just for a moment. It’s a way of saying, “I’m here. I’m still me. And I’m taking care of myself in the smallest way I can today.” Sometimes, it is the minute rituals of the day that support you through grief.

Here are two gentle ways to dress through grief:

1. Dress with your grief — allow it

Some days you may feel gray, heavy, numb, or flat.
Let your clothes reflect that honestly.

Maybe it looks like:

• black
• gray
• neutrals
• deep blues
• soft fabrics
• oversized comfort pieces

When I dress in all black or all gray, it’s often my way of saying
“I don’t have the words today.”
And that’s okay. Your outfit can be your quiet expression.

2. Dress opposite to gently shift your emotional state

This one takes a little more energy — so only use it when it feels right.

If the heaviness is weighing on you and you want a small lift, you might intentionally reach for:

• sunshine yellow
• light blue
• bright green
• soft orange
• something cozy or cheerful

Not to “fix” your grief — but to support your spirit through it.

Color can become a tiny act of hope.

A Final Gentle Thought

Grief has layers.
Some days you’ll feel steady.
Some days you’ll collapse into the softness of your bed or into someone’s arms.
And some days you’ll surprise yourself with your own strength.

There is no correct timeline, no correct emotional sequence, and no correct way to be a grieving human.

The only “right” way is your way.

Today, tomorrow, or whenever you’re ready, take a moment to ask yourself:

“How am I grieving today?”

And let the answer — whatever it is — be enough.